2010?! What?! How'd that happen?!

Wow, 2009 is almost gone! And it's been forever since I've written anything...my bad.

Well the work issue has resolved itself, and ended with a new position for me! It's great! I'm busier, more challenged, have more responsibility...and the authority to...well do anything I want, pretty much ;) jk. No, but really, its been great. And what I've been waiting for since I started here.

My family just left yesterday, after spending Christmas at my house! It was wonderful! One of the best Christmases I can ever remember! It was so much fun to have them all here :) And mom and dad brought some surprises of their own...including a fireplace for me! It is awesome! It's so cute and the perfect size for my living room. It is also VERY warm! Which is great because the lower level of my house is always cold! We also moved into the next century this weekend, with the Blu-ray player they got me! Very cool!

Well good-bye 2009 and welcome 2010!! Here's to the New Year!

We will see

Some stuff has been going down at work lately, not quite your normal run of the mill work problems. But it looks like a decision has been made, and things will be returning to normal...well mostly. Other than the fact that I now have the roll of two jobs. I am SO thankful for the chance to have MORE to do at work. And glad that it will mean more accounting and responsibility. But I am also not sure how this will change things, and what the final result will be. I know that all I need today is the wisdom, strength, grace and patience that only God can give. Starting my day with 1 Corinthians 2 today, I am praying for the mind of Christ. Join me?

Europe anyone?

Bought my tickets to London yesterday!!! My dad's sister lives in Naples, Italy at the moment and so my mom, my aunt & I are going to meet her in London and spend a week in England/Wales!! And then we're flying from London to Naples and spending a week in Italy!! I am so excited! I wish it was tomorrow :) But I will admit that I'm having lots of fun taking time to read about places over there, and to do some extensive research. Anticipation is part of the fun, right? :)

Ikea Prints

I got these prints at Ikea last weekend...($12 for all 3)...and paid $6 for the 16x20 canvases. Used spray adhesive to attach them and WALA!

Hung on the other side of the TV from the clock. My completely blank BORING living room wall now has two beautiful things :)

Sunday morning fix

Well...the clock & magazine rack were bugging me all night! :) Yes, I'm weird like that. So Sunday morning I woke up and went straight to the living room to fix it! Now...

The clock is on the large living room wall...above the couch. On a wall thats darker than the original place. Which makes the cream clock stand out better anyway :)
And the magazine rack is still by the door...but with a white frame above it. Makes me feel lots better about the two whites together, and the frame is a much better size for that space.

So for now, thats the finished product!

My Saturday project

So...I have this nightstand (really, its a magazine rack) that I've used in my room as long as I can remember. Mom & Dad let me take it when I moved out. Well it's white (used to be pink :)), and a different style then the rest of my bedroom now that I actually have bedroom furniture. So, I've been looking for something that would work better as a nightstand...but didn't want to pay the $259 for the nightstand that matches my bedroom set. This is how it looked as of yesterday.

This week I found some cool design blogs, and was inspired. Well I thought the magazine rack would go perfect next to my front door as an entry table....so I unloaded it. And realized I haven't done that since I moved out :) Found lots of weird crazy things, such as this...

side note: those are pearls, not pills :)

So today I drug Erika & Katelyn around town to some consignment furnishing stores & home decor places. Well the first stop we made I found the perfect table :) It is so cool!! I love it! Black & distressed just like my bed & dresser. And $159! Here it is in my room...we'll see what I decide to do with the top, but for now this works :)

Well, so now I have a nightstand to replace my mag rack...so it will be moved downstairs. Well I already had a clock on the wall where I wanted to put it, but the 2nd store we went had this AWESOME huge clock & I just couldn't resist! I'm a sucker for a good deal...but hey everytime I look at it, it makes me smile :) So you know...well got home, hung the clock up. Love it! Moved the rack down...and now I'm not so sure. I think the mag rack looks too small with the clock. What do you think?

Pictures

Seeing Holly this weekend was a much added bonus :) She is into airplanes at the moment. Any time she sees or hears one she stops, points & says "airpane". It was especially fun this weekend because our hotel was really close to the airport. Lots of opportunities to see planes :) Even when we were at the zoo...she would stop to watch them as they flew over.

Its amazing how fast she changes! She was talking in July when I saw her, but nothing more than one word. This weekend she learned mom & my names. Calls mom "Kar" and me "Shell". It is so sweet, I don't think there is any other voice I'd rather hear. As I'm walking next to her stroller, she just looks up at me "Hi Shell". It melts your heart.
We went to the zoo Sunday morning before we all went our separate ways. It was so fun to take Holly. She loves to make all the animal sounds. As we walked up to the cows she started mooing :) And her monkey impression is priceless! Although her Lion roar is great too! I think that may be my favorite. She was far from scared of anything we saw...trying to get as close as possible to everything.
Talking to the Cheetahs...

Its stolen...

I saw this on a blog I found...and I feel like she read my mind. And did a better job of expressing it then I usually do. This is me.

It's been a busy couple of weeks. I'm feeling totally depleted. So this morning I decided to refuel. Well as you can see, with bagel and coffee but also with some nourishment for my soul.

I have to tell you, when I am getting a little low and running on fumes, I am not the nicest person. All I think about is me, me, me. Anyone else know what I am talking about or brave enough to admit it? It's really not a great site and I'm really no fun to be around. I don't even like to be around myself when I'm like this.

But thankfully, and finally, I've noticed this little pattern and though I might be a day or two late in recognizing it, I try to catch it and correct it.

For me, it is always time by myself. Even if it is just an hour. Time to hear myself think. Time to read and get some new perspective and some guidance. Time to write. And time to just be. And without a doubt a little time with just me always gets my thinking off of me. Life is pretty miserable and unfulfilled when it is alwaysfocused on "ME."

So if you are feeling a little overwhelmed, crabby, maybe?, and your all consumed with yourself...then maybe you do need a little more "ME" time by yourself to refuel. I'm going to get back to that right now.

And I'm excited to see what kind of inspiration I'm going to come up with. I know I want to do something special/helpful for someone in need this week. It would be fun if you all join me....and maybe at the end of the week we can share stories and ideas!

Have a beautiful week! xx

Off to Portland!

Well lets see...its been a long time. I've been to Arkansas, and back. It was fun! But only because Jaclyn was there, definitely not because of AR :) Although we did get tickets to the Razorback game Saturday night and that was awesome!! The dinner theater of My Fair Lady was great! It was a good time, I'm glad I was able to go.

Tomorrow I leave for Portland. My great grandma, diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer this summer, passed away on Friday. The funeral is this weekend in Portland. As sad as it is, she was 94 and ready to go meet Jesus. And it is a nice excuse for my family to get together. There will be lots of us there this weekend, and my parents were able to fly my sister back also! It will be so nice for her to get to come visit, she's having a rough time the last couple weeks. It should be fun! Stephanie (her parents live in Portland) and I are driving over tomorrow and going to take our time, stopping at Multnomah Falls & Ikea before we surprise her parents! The rest of my family flies or drives in Friday.

My dads uncle passed away the first week of September & we had the funeral in Moscow, ID the 12th. So this has been a month of funerals for my family. I really can't remember the last funeral I went to, before Uncle Wayne's. I know I attended my other great grandmas funeral, but do not remember much about it. Its interesting to experience it as an adult, and to see the different perspectives people have on death and funerals. I prefer to think like my mom: It is a time for the family to get together and have fun celebrating their life. There's no shame in enjoying a weekend focused on your loved one. It doesn't need to be solemn, it can be a celebration. So here's to you grandma: We celebrate you! The life you lived, the people you touched, the God you served and the love you bestowed upon us. We love you, and will remember you always.

Arkansas?!?

Thats right...I'm headed to Arkansas! Little Rock to be exact. Never thought I'd be saying that. I hate humidity. Hate heat. Hated the weather everytime I've ever been south, but alas...I fly to Little Rock in 3 days. Sister just moved there 3 weeks ago to start her Masters at the University of Arkansas, and I am her first visitor. We are going to try and hit up the first Razorback football game Saturday...should be pretty sweet. Even if it is 90 degrees with 100% humidity! Ugh!

Who I Am

There are times when I try and forget, try and pretend that its not true. Try and overcome myself in other ways...and sometimes I succeed, but only temporarily. There is really only one way, one method in which I can truly re-energize, re-motivate, re-new...to become 'myself' once again. Thursday night I was at the end of myself, I couldn't go any farther. As I drove to Nampa to visit a friend I spent my entire drive crying and praying. There was no way I was going to make it thru Friday without some divine intervention. It just wasn't going to happen. I had gone too long, tricked myself into thinking I could go 2 weeks without a moment at home, alone. Pretended I could spend two, four day weekends with hundreds of people and not feel the ramifications sometime during the weeks following. Add on top of that my grandma having a stroke last week and my great grandma finding out she has stage 4 ovarian cancer and I really didn't stand a chance.

I don't know that I have ever needed peace & quiet so much. Needed a day (or two) with absolutely NOTHING to do. As I poured out my frustration and exhaustion Thursday night (in prayer and to my friend) I had no idea when I would get the chance. But as He promises to do, He helped me make it thru Friday. And not only make it, but I actually had a better day at work Friday then I have in a long time. I was more than just happy Friday afternoon...I was light-hearted. And I miraculously ended up with the house completely to myself Saturday, very unusual. Why, after all these years, does it still surprise me that He cares enough to take care of something that minimal? It amazes me that He cares enough to make that difference in my life.

15 months

Wow, the last two weeks have been quite a ride. I spent last weekend with my moms side of the family and we shared a house with Kieth's family, meaning a 15 month old. In a place she's not used to, and with tons of people she's never met before, inlcuding lots of kids to play with, by Saturday night Holly was TIRED. So tired she couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything but cry. Its her only outlet...she can't express what she's feeling or thinking. Crying is the only way.

I internalize my feelings, very rarely expressing them outward, I just don't do that very well. However, they must come out eventually...Sunday morning I hit that point. Standing in my grandmas hospital room I couldn't do anything but cry. I was so tired: emotionally and physically. I didn't know why I was crying, couldn't explain myself. I was just that tired. Crying was the only way.

And I realized there are times when I am just like that 15 month old...with nothing to do, but cry.

wedding

Well I leave tomorrow for Ben & Katelyn's wedding in Wenatchee! Can't believe its here already! How has it been 6 months since she came to live with me? How can it be time for them to get married already? Crazy! So I tried my dress on last night...apparently the maid of honor has tried hers on like every week! I still had mine in the wrapping it came in when it arrived! Oops! Am I supposed to want to try it on all the time? haha. Well it still fits, so I guess thats all that matters! Dad says its supposed to be over 100 all weekend, so I am thankful she chose strapless, knee-length dresses! Hopefully we'll stand a chance...unlike the poor groomsmen in their full on tuxes!

Well she moved all her stuff out this week before they headed to Wenatchee, and now we've turned her room into an office! It still has lots of work, but it has already been painted! I know, I know! Nothing like painting within days of it being free ;) One wall is a sage/guacamole color, one wall is toffee crunch and the other two are havana dreams! Yes, dont' you wish you had the job of naming paint? I think that would be so fun! But anyways, it looks great! I love the colors together and can't wait to get it all set up! When I'm in Wenatchee this weekend, one of my moms friends has a drafting table she'd like to get rid of...so I believe I will get to bring that back with me! I am SO excited! I pulled out a few of my floor plans a couple weeks ago and have been itching to start some new ones....I am excited to have time to think about (and act on) that passion again! We'll see how it goes!

Something more

I need to write. I need to create something. I need to explore new possibilities. I need to challenge my mind. I need to experience something new. I need to get out of my comfort zone. I need to fulfill this desire inside me. I need to use my knowledge. I need to use my talents. I need to do something.

I love my job, I do. I am so thankful for it and the blessings it has brought to my life. I am thankful for the flexibility, for the openness and on some occasions for the lack of stress involved. However, being as it is, it no longer does anything for my "self-actualization" need...to use an over-used life model. Those basic needs of my life are met, over and above. I am truly blessed on all 5 levels of the maslow model...however, that top one...it just keeps calling to me. I need to do something more. I am tired of being bored at work. Extremely tired of spending more than half my day on the internet. I think I maybe did 2 hours of work today (in the office) and half of that was helping someone else out. I need more from my job then that. I need to feel useful, to have something to do, anything! I need to feel like I am using my $60,000 education! Feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Or at least something that involves a few brain cells every once in awhile. I love a challenge, or a problem. I am a puzzle girl...I love to solve problems, in the most efficient way possible. Please, someone, give me something to solve!

I also have this overwhelming desire to design homes...maybe its time I look into that. I need to look outside my current profession to find something that will energize me, cause its not looking like things will change for awhile. I need more to my life then work, the gym and my roommates, as much as I love them. I need something that drives me, that will give me that feeling of satisfaction when its accomplished. Something with a deadline or a goal. Finding a way to combine the analytical part of my brain with the creative juices flowing in my veins is something I have always found challenging. I'm too much of a perfectionist to be truly fulfilled through my creativity but maybe its time I take that on as my problem. Maybe I will solve the battle within my mind. I think I have finally reached that stage where I have spent enough time enjoying my time off from school, that its time to get back to work on something. School was always satisfying to me, it was a challenge and something I could work towards...full of constat deadlines. I needed a break, and my mom suggested I wait at least 6 months before taking on my next project. Well I have to say, that as much as I thought I would enjoy no longer going to school AND working full-time, I have that itch again. Working full-time is not enough. Granted, if I had a more stressful job or one where I was required to put in more than 40 hours a week maybe it would be more then enough...but I don't. Rather...my mind, my experiences, my knowledge, my education, my drive, my self-discipline, my goals, my life...I feel like its all going to waste. There has to be more. Something more I can do. Something that gets me out of bed in the morning excited that I have a new day to face the challenges ahead of me. Something to engage my mind and soul. Something where my heart is involved.

Prayer Request

My grandpa Slonaker went in for double knee replacement surgery a few weeks ago. The plan was to recover for 2 weeks in a rehab facility while he regained his strength. However, once he was moved to the rehab center he had a stroke (or so they thought). It looks like now that it wasn't actually a stroke because he recovered so quickly...but that doesn't change the fact that something caused him to lose all function in his body, as well as speech. He was recovering and doing therapy again after the stroke, but a week later, this Sunday he had his legs propped up in a wheelchair and went to move them and tipped the chair backwards. Causing him to fall on his head. They have determined the accident caused a fracture in the vertabrea and therefore all his therapy has been halted. He has been placed in a neck brace and will be moved to Spokane on Friday to meet with a neuro-surgeon and discuss his options. Needless to say, this has been a difficult time for our family. My mom has spent a week in Colfax with them, but left Friday saying Grandma can hardly take care of herself let alone Grandpa also. Someone needs to be there with them most all the time. My aunts and uncles have been rotating visiting and my cousins came up from California to be there last weekend. It has been great the amount of time people have been able to spend there, but until Friday when my dad goes over to consult with the neuro-surgeon there is no family there. Grandpa had a hard enough time recovering from this surgery...we are not sure that his heart can handle another surgery so soon. Please pray that they will be able to help him without operating on his neck, that his body can handle this extra stress. And for all the family that is sick with worry and indecision over what we can do to help during this time.

My new favorite quote...

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies

Here we go...

Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. July reunion

2. trip to Little Rock once Jac moves

3. Zumba tonight

4. The office set up in my house

5. Visiting Europe in the spring

6. Watching Holly grow up

7. My brother moving to Idaho...please!?

8. My family moving to Idaho :)

Eight Things I Did Yesterday:

1. Went to church with 15 family members

2. Listened to my uncle speak at church

3. Jumped on the trampoline with Holly & Jackie

4. Grad party for my sister

5. Rode to Spokane w/J & H

6. Got on an airplane

7. BBQ'd with the roommates

8. Went to bed at 9:30...exhausted!

Eight Things I Wish I Could Do:

1. Run

2. Sing

3. Design houses

4. Use my MBA

5. Travel more

6. swim, without fear

7. Live closer to family

8. Draw/paint

Eight Shows I Watch:

1. Grey's Anatomy

2. Private Practice

3. Friends - yes, I realize its not on anymore :(

4. Gilmore Girls

5. One Tree Hill

6. Full House, a long time ago :)

7. Trading Spaces...is that still on?

8. seriously, people watch this much tv?

Eight Favorite Fruits:

1. strawberries

2. kiwi

3. apples

4. pineapple

5. raspberries

6. peaches

7. blueberries

8. bananas

Eight Places to Visit:

1. Australia

2. New York

3. Italy

4. Ireland

5. Austria

6. Switzerland

7. England

8. Hawaii

Eight Places I've Lived:

1. Wenatchee

2. Nampa

3. Meridian

We'll see if I ever hit 8...

Eight People to Tag:

1. Stephanie 2. Katie 3. Carly 4. Jolleen 5. Nick 6. Sydney 7.Jessica 8. Reid

Its been 3 weeks...

...since I planted all those living green things in my yard. I just thought you all should know that they are ALL still alive! My pumpkin has 2 huge flowers, the pepper plant has about 10 buds! And even the zinnia & strawberry are starting to flower :) Yay! But most importantly, though it may have had a really rough first day, the hydrangea is doing great! The Monday after I planted it was the hottest day of the year and I went home from work to find a very dry, droopy, burnt plant. It was quite tragic. However, with a little love and LOTS of water it is looking beautiful again! And has many new blooms, each with lots of gorgeous flowers! And of course the resilient palm is doing fine - I try and give it the minimal attention it requested! Also, Stephanie received a pink hydrangea from one of her students on the last day of school so we now have two! Hers isn't blooming yet, but we'll get it there :) I have to say...even though I've always hated gardening and anytype of yard work, I am really enjoying these plants! And even mowing the lawn and killing/pulling the weeds. One other new thing I've discovered about myself, now that I'm a home owner!

Roommates

I've never really been one to enjoy living with other people...I've typically had roommates that were just that, roommates. I've lived with friends a few months at a time and cousins at times as well, but nothing long term. Until May 11th I had never lived with people that were also my best friends, people that I also spent the majority of my time with. Let me tell you, it is completely different then living with people. It's so much fun. I love it. It's so nice not to have to go anywhere to see them, and its fun to work together around the house...it makes cooking and cleaning so much better when you're doing it with your best friend. It's fun to go home knowing that I'll also be going home to my best friends! I've spent more time at home in the last 3 weeks then I have in a long time...and I feel like I have so much more time! It's crazy how much time I spent driving back and forth visiting them in Nampa or hanging out at their place, just to be with them, but not able to accomplish anything at home. Now, I can do stuff that needs to be done at home, and be with them at the same time. It's great. Its nice to know that we'll have dinner together and come up with something to do afterwards, even if its just sitting around together or taking a walk around the neighborhood...I feel so much more like I'm home. Its like living with family, rather than living with 'people'. I am truly blessed to have these girls in my life, to be home.

Growing...

If you know me very well, this next post may surprise you...but I assure you, it is true!

Well maybe it started with two gifts I received for graduation, or maybe knowing that my roommate loves doing this stuff...or maybe just some extra time on Sunday afternoon spent at Home Depot. No matter why or how I was inspired, it did happen.

Last weekend I received a red pepper plant from a lady I work with and I have to say I think that's pretty cool! I love peppers, and its in a cool pot on my front 'porch'. I am just nervous that it will actually grow peppers :)

And James brought me a sago palm, which right on the tag says "wants minimal attention" and he circled the "resilient" description...lol. He knows me too well! However he loves plants and can somehow make anything grow and bloom, all the time! I'm still not sure how he does it. Needless to say he assured me I can't kill this one, and if I do, our friendship will die as well :) Well James, I'm going to TRY to keep it alive!

So with the thought that I already have 2 plants to take care of maybe a few more wouldn't be so bad :) Erika helped me pick some out yesterday and we planted them in my front yard. A strawberry plant and a tomato plant along the side. Cilantro, parsley & oregano in a pot on the porch...and then a gorgeous purple (Glory blue...but I swear its purple) hydrangea. It's so pretty...it better not die! Good thing Jessie comes back this weekend :)

I'll take a picture of it tonight...but this is pretty much what it looks like...it has two blooms and 3 new ones starting.

Coping

I believe, no matter how conciously or not, there is a part of my emotions that can be easily flipped on and off...depending on circumstances around me. However, I don't seem to realize that until after the fact, making me believe that it is something my mind uses as a coping/defensive mechanism. Which I suppose, at times, makes a lot of sense and can be really helpful. But it also makes me feel guilty. And it really only postpones the hurt, it doesn't solve the problem.
I think when I know that something is changing, or something in my life has the potential to cause me a lot of pain, my mind reacts by "not caring". I make myself belive that I DON'T care! That it doesn't matter to me what happens, or how I'm treated, or even how I treat them. I fool myself into believing that it really doesn't affect me.
There are cicrumstances in my life right now, that if I took the time and energy to truly analyze and invest feelings, I would realize how much it hurts. And how much I just want to cry everytime I think about it. But instead, through no intent on my part, I am able to go on as if life is normal and she isn't hurting me with every choice she makes. But rather then accept that and explain to her that she is killing me inside, I just put on a front of not caring, at all. I don't care what she does. I don't care how she chooses to betray herself, and her friends. And in response to that I'm sure I come across, to her, as not caring about her. Because I know better then to think that I truly handle myself around her the same as I used to. Even if I say its okay, and pretend like we're fine. It's not okay. And we're not fine. But I don't know how to deal with it, and a part of me believes this is just the course life is supposed to take and so I need to grow up and accept that. It isn't the first time, and it won't be the last...life is meant to change. I lived through the last one...and actually have a fairly decent relationship with her today. However, it will never again be anything like it was BEFORE. Because really, no matter how much I tried to convince myself I didn't care, it HURT. And I will probably never fully trust either girl again. You just don't recover from that kind of betrayal...that is unless both sides understand and accept the fact that there is something to be dealt with. And that it has changed, and people have been battered in the process.
I'm tired of hurting, of feeling used, of being betrayed, being lied to...its easier to just pretend like I don't care. So no matter how disfunctional it is, I'm thankful for my mind's natural coping mechanism...at least for today.

More than 24 hours in a day?! Please!

It doesn't seem to matter what's going on, how much I have happening...it always seems to be crazy! Does it ever slow down? Its one thing after another after another...there is no end in sight! Is it normal for life to feel like it will never slow down? To continually wonder when there will be time to get caught up...when there will be time to sleep. I always thought once I finished school life wouldn't be so crazy, I wouldn't be so tired. But now that I've had 4 months with only a job (and a side job) I still don't feel like I have any more time then I did before...or that I have time to catch up! Its one thing after another...does it ever stop?

loner

It frustrates me so much that there are so many people in this world that expect everyone to be the same...oh but yet they claim "we're all unique, each of you is your own person" and then minutes later turn around and treat them as if they are all just like them. Just because your an extrovert and love to be loud an obnoxious, doesn't mean that we're all like that.
I understand that there are processes, procedures and what not, that need to be followed when there is a group activity taking place. However, I also know...you might want to sit down for this...there are those teens that would rather not participate! I know its hard to believe, but some people would rather sit in a dark corner all alone, then out in the open with the rest of the world. You might say I'm dark and twisty, I don't know, but I don't see anything wrong with that. There are MANY times when I would give anything for a dark corner all to myself, and just as often I CHOOSE to stay home alone rather then go out with a group. It's just who I am. And that's okay. So forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think it is okay for the kid at youth group to sit in the corner alone, rather then participate. Sometimes us introverts just need that. I'm not saying its okay if it happens every week. But I am saying, don't treat them like outcasts. Don't treat them like they are in the wrong, like they've done some horrible thing by removing themselves from the group. Treat them like the adult they are becoming. Sure, make sure they're okay. But when they say they're FINE, take they're word for it. Don't belittle them and force them to do something they don't want. Let me tell you, that is not going to solve the problem. If there is even a problem in the first place...maybe forcing them to participate gives them a problem.

The past

It's Saturday afternoon...I'm sitting in a coffee shop watching one of my favorite shows online...and all I can think about is all these people passing by. Everyone is going somewhere, doing something, meeting someone and what am I? The world around me is moving, speeding by, time is going so fast...and me? what am I doing? How am I passing the time? There are so many things in life that are uncontrollable, but I have control over this...yet how am I using it? What of this will I remember for the rest of my life? How am I making an impact? On myself, on others, on the world? Everyone around me is getting ready to embark on their future...to move from this place and discover what time will hold. I want to know that these last four years of my life were working towards something more than a degree. I want my life to mean more than that. I want to remember all the fun I had, all the people I loved, all the experiences I had. And yet I can't even remember much of it now, how am I going to look back on it the rest of my life? There have been so many people in the last 4 years that have impacted my life in so many ways, and yet the ones that are no longer around...I seem to forget. I can't remember why they were important in my life, I can't remember the fun we used to have, or why it is that I don't talk to them anymore. I hate that. I hate that someone who once meant so much to me is now just a part of my past. I'm afraid, I'm afraid its going to happen all over again. Life changes, we move on, we make new friends...I get that. But can't it be a great memory? A reunion to look forward to? Why must it simply become part of the far off past...I want to be better...I do not want these people to become a part of my past. I want them to be a part of my present and my future. But I can already feel them slipping away....

One week!

I received the keys to my house one week ago today! It has been quite an eventful week! So much fun! My friends all came over Friday night and we got the entire downstairs painted! Saturday my family all helped me move and Sunday we did lots of little things around the house, like hanging blinds, etc. Monday & Tuesday I spent the entire day in bed, sick! And I do mean entire day...I did not leave my bed at all between 11pm Sunday night and 6:45am Tuesday morning. I started getting sick Thursday, and I think trying to do a lot this weekend, while being sick just made it that much worse! I was so weak, it was awful! I am still pretty sick, but have at least worked the last 3 days :) As long as it stays at this 'cold' stage I'm okay....I'm hoping the 'flu' part is gone for good! But despite the oh so fun illness amidst everything else, this week has been so much fun! And I love my new house! It has been nice to have an entire week there all by myself...and I never would have guessed how nice it would be to have my own bathroom! haha. And one connected to my room...ah, it's amazing! I love it! I will have to take some pictures of the house, now that its more then white walls and empty floors! That is once I find my camera!! That is still one important thing that I haven't found in a box yet...hmmm...where could I have put it! Well better find it quick...
Tomorrow morning Stephanie, Jessie & I get on a plane to California! Will definitely need my camera for that!!

Changes

Well this last weekend I spent the 3 days in Donnelly with our church youth group. I've been wanting to get involved, now that I'm done with school...and have actually known the youth pastor since I myself was a teen in youth group. He pastored at a church about an hour from mine and since both of our youth groups were fairly small we would do stuff together frequently. I was also really good friends with quite a few of the teens in his youth group, so my sister and I would visit on the weekends or for special occasions a lot of our high school career. Its fun to go to a BIG church in Nampa, where I quite literally know a handful of people....and yet have that one connection. It makes me feel like I do know people in my church and that I can relate to someone there :) But anyways...because of my relationship with him, it was easy for me to tell him that I wanted to help out, making it much easier to get involved then if I didn't know the youth pastor. (Because if you know me at all, you know I'm an introvert...and reaching out to people I don't know is nearly impossible!) haha. Speaking of introvert...one of the things we did this weekend was take personality tests, to show the kids that they aren't abnormal, but that everyone has those weird quirks about them. But it was fun to see the huge difference between extroverts and introverts....you can definitely pick them out in a crowd!
Well the weekend was a blast, seriously, so much fun! I felt like I was at winter retreat again! It was great to get to know some of the kids and actually meet a lot of people my own age (there helping out as well)...it was a packed weekend, and I am still recovering...but I am so glad I was able to go! Going up I pretty much only knew the youth pastor, his wife and then of course James, who plays guitar for the youth band so was going up for the weekend! Which actually helped me feel better about going :) Surprise, Surprise...I do not like to go into uncharted territory without at least one friendly face! But I came home with many new friends, and energized from the kids, and a peace after seeing new pieces of myself and my friends.
I went to youth group last night, for the first time...and it was awesome to walk in and know people! haha. I am horrible at meeting new people, or at least not good at going and being the one to start the conversation...so I don't feel like I am really comfortable or suited for going in each week and trying to introduce myself to people...but I hope that it will happen over time, and in the process I will learn something and force myself out of my shell a little more :)
So that officially started my month of craziness...however, I have been given a slight reprieve, an unwanted one mind you, but a reprieve none the less. I was supposed to close on my house today...and that is not going to happen. The underwriters are so far behind were hoping we'll make next Friday! Which is not good, considering my family is traveling 450 miles to help me move! But they were able to rearrange their schedule to come next weekend, so as long as we close by the 13th we'll still be okay! It's if it gets later then that that things get really scary!
I do not do well with this up in the air sort of planning! I want to have a date, and stick to it! I had to call and reschedule my fridge and mattress delivery and have to rethink the whole painting situation since my mom will no longer be coming the weekend after I move in...and I myself will be in California for 4 days the week after I move, that is if I move next weekend! Uggh...I need structure. I like having my life planned and in order. This is not working for the left side of my brain! However, the other pieces of my personality, the parts that seek to enjoy every moment and appreciate the opportunity to learn and grow are doing okay with it :) And as with anything in life...when God closes a door, he opens a window...I may not be moving this weekend, but instead I get to spend it with one of my favorite relatives! If I was moving, I would not have the time to spend any quality time with him, but now, my schedule is wide open!
Kieth called Sunday...and he's coming to stay with me this weekend, to show his boys the State Basketball Tournament! They made it to state last year and played, but never won a game so didn't see the championships or anything...well this year his team didn't make it, but he'd like to bring the Juniors down to see what its all about...hopefully next year they will be more excited about making it!! So my weekend will likely involve lots of basketball games! And if nothing else him and his players sleeping at my house!! :)
Tonight is the opening performance for Godspell, the NNU spring musical. My cousin Hilary has one of 10 roles...yes it is a 10 person cast! So all my Boise family is attending tonight...should be a good time!

3 more days...and then life gets REALLY crazy!

Only 3 more days of February. Wow, where has it gone? In my work mind that means we are almost to the end of 1st Quarter, how is that possible! I just finished filing year end taxes, now I have to get ready to do it all over again? Please no! And someone convince Obama that changing every tax form in the history of business is NOT a great idea! No matter how much it means in my pocket everyweek! Oh right, an average of $13, which for me will mean about $6 I'm sure...then you take taxes out of that...and nope, sorry I'd rather keep the old tax forms and be done with it! Please!

But really the end of February means the beginning of one of the craziest months of my life, I am sure! Friday afternoon I leave at 3 for Donnelly to be a cabin leader at our church's youth winter retreat! Should be fun, but above all exhausting! I know I will come back living on very few hours of sleep...its only 2 nights right? How much sleep could I lose? :)
Then next weekend, my dad, sister and brother come to visit! WooHoo! Or I should say they come to move me...lucky them! Yes, that's right they're driving 450 miles to work all weekend. Gotta love family! I'm so excited they are all coming, its going to be so much fun but the moving and shopping will for sure make for another crazy weekend!! I ordered my new mattress and refrigerator this week so that we will have both of those things at the new house for the weekend they are here...I suppose they will want to eat at some point :)
Then if that isn't enough, the next weekend my mom comes! We are going to paint and unpack and everything in my new house! Unfortunately for her she couldn't come the weekend before with the rest of the family, but lucky for me I get to spend two weekends with my family! She's coming Thursday so I'm going to take Friday off work to spend more time with her! Another fun weekend!
And, no wait, that's not all...the next weekend, Jessie, Stephanie & I leave for California for Spring Break! Which will be awesome! We are going to Elk Grove (Sacramento area), where Jessie is from to spend time in her town :) They're going for the whole week but I come back Tuesday night to go back to work! We have lots of fun things planned for those four days! Of course! :) Sunday night we are going to Forever Plaid, a musical at some cool place in Sacramento!? Don't really know...but it sounds exciting!
And then the month will have flown by! I will finally get a weekend at home...with nothing going on...wonder if I will just sleep away that last Saturday of March?! Welcome April! Time moves so fast, I wish there was a way I could simply stop it for awhile...to savor these last 2 months of (semi) college life...

Without it...

There is no where else I'd rather be. Then right here, in Idaho, with my six best friends. I am so blessed to have met these girls at NNU. I have spent the last four years sharing everything with them. I can't imagine my life without them and certainly wouldn't trade these experiences for anything. Soon it will all be a memory...
It is quickly coming to an end. I don't like to think about what's going to happen come May 11th. It is unknown, scary, but most certainly means saying good bye.
May 10th we will all be up early, getting ready to dawn the monumental black cap and gown. However, before we make our way to the Idaho Center to spend the next five hours in folding chairs on the floor, surrounded by everyone we love, celebrating our accomplishments. We will do the one thing that we always make time for, no matter what else is going on...or what we are going through. There has always been time for coffee. We spend the majority of our time with some type of coffee. When we're happy and need to celebrate, when we're sad and need to mope, when we need to talk or just when we're hanging out...coffee has always been there.
I don't know how I will handle this next chapter of life, without it.

Holly

So after that 5-5-5 I realized I haven't put any pics of Holly on here in awhile...what could I have been thinking?! :) So thought I'd share...these are from Christmas

She helped Jac & I make cookies :) Her bib says "Saw it. Had a fit. Got it."

Tired baby...

5-5-5

Alright, here it is!
My 5th picture in my 5th folder...


This is Holly Marie during her first week of life...with her Daddy. My uncle Kieth. Can't believe she'll be one in 2 months! Time goes so fast!

The house...

Well for those of you that haven't heard yet...I bought a house this week! I haven't been back yet to take any pictures but here is the MLS listing picture of the house...I have the home inspection today so hopefully I will get some pictures then :)

All windows on the front are bedrooms, except for the bottom right which is the living room.
The entire subdivision has alley access garages...so the garage is directly behind the house (attached).
The yard is all in already, with trees, shrubs and then the wing fencing you can see. There is a very little back patio...with very little grass in the back (which I'm thankful for, since I've never mowed a lawn before)...anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that growing things is not my strongpoint. The less yard I have to keep alive, the better!
It is 1538 sq. ft. 4 bedroom, 2.5 bath...with all the living area downstairs (and half bath off the living room) and 3 bedrooms upstairs.
The 4th bedroom is downstairs, but will probably be used as an office/den rather then bedroom.
It is off Meridian Rd. between Ustick & McMillan and exactly 8 minutes from my office! :) Which I am pretty excited about! I won't close until March 5th...as I am not in a hurry to get out of Nampa. But am really looking forward to painting!!

The 25...

This has been going around facebook, so thought I'd add mine to the blog :)

25 random things about me....
1. I was the tallest girl in my 5th grade class...and now am shorter than everyone I know! Well that is everyone over like 12.

2. The only bone I've ever broken is my collar bone. I was one years old and fell off a bench at McDonald's. The doctor had to fashion me a sling, because they didn't make them that small.

3. I'm not very sympathetic. I'm just not. Don't really know what to do in those situations. We all make our own choices...we have to live with the consequences. Deal.

4. I just bought my first house. It is in Meridian, 4 bed 2.5 bath, built in 2009. I made an offer. They countered, I countered, they countered, I countered and they accepted :) (I will post pics soon!)

5. I pronounce Reeses, Reesees and get crap from Jessie for it all the time!

6. I had hernia surgery when I was 18 and have never experienced so much pain in my life. Word of advice: don't stop taking vicadin before the doctor tells you to!

7. I am VERY black and white. There is very little room for grey in my life.

8. I graduated with my BS when I was 20, and my MBA at 22.

9. My mom dropped me on the garage floor when I was a few months old. The doctors told her I was fine, and I've had headaches almost every day since!

10. I have EXTREMELY small hands, seriously. I babysat a 6 yr old girl with bigger hands than me. I've had friends suggest using miracle grow...it doesn't work.

11. I like to be alone. If I don't get any time to myself every couple days I become very cranky!

12. I hate wasted time. I won't waste my time on something I don't see lasting. Unfortunately, that also includes people. I just don't have the patience. (Yes, I know my lack of patience should be its own line...but I refuse!)

13. I won't do something just to appease others. If I don't want to, I won't. Definitely NOT a people pleaser. Although I hate conflict...hmm...just realized those kind of contradict themselves...

14. I used to cut the grass at my parents house with scissors. I still to this day have never mowed a lawn! Guess that will be changing soon...due to #4

15. I took piano lessons for 7 years, I can read music but have a terrible ear for it.

16. I worked an entire summer in a fruit packing shed. I started out sorting cherries (torture!) but thankfully was quickly moved to running machinery. Yup, that's right, I was the only one that could fix the label machine :)

17. Growing up I always slept on the top bunk and fought with my sister all the time. Then one summer when we were in Mexico my parents added a bedroom in our basement for her and suddenly we became friends!

18. The men in my family are amazing. Seriously. My dad and brother are two of the highest quality people you will ever meet. I promise, I'm not just biased. It's true :)

19. Until I was 18 I had only lived in one house, since then I have moved 5 times.

20. I've never had cable. Don't know that I ever will.

21. I am frugal. I hate spending $$ on pointless things...or things that won't last. Especially food!!

22. There's this place, Aut-to Mocha, that I would move to my neighborhood if I could. It's in Wenatchee and I go at least once a day when I'm there. And I make everyone that comes to visit Wenatchee with me try a frapita.

23. I hate the name Shelly. Whoever thought it was a good idea to shorten Michelle to Shelly is dumb. If for some reason you can't bring yourself to say Michelle then michi, meesh or michka will all do. But don't even think about calling me shelly!

24. I can read a 200 page book in about two hours. I love to read!

25. I know every episode of FRIENDS by heart. And no, that is not sad :)

Free time!

So I have found something to occupy all that ‘extra’ time I have now :) I’m not so sure my muscles are liking me at the moment, but I am definitely enjoying myself! I have worked out at least once a day all week, and twice 3 of the days! But it has been awesome, because I am not one that likes to just hit the treadmill…that drives me crazy! I can’t do it for longer then 20 minutes, I just can’t. But Steph & Jess have been going to classes at the Rec Center since last semester…but they have always been Monday & Wednesday, and I could never go because of class! Well not anymore! :) So Monday and Friday at 4:30 is Jazzercise, which I thought I would have a hard time getting to ontime, but so far its been okay. I guess they start a few minutes late for that reason so I haven’t been horribly late, yet! And then Wednesday evening and Saturday morning is Zumba, which is a new latin/hip hop/reggae class. Very entertaining! And fun to do :) And although I HATE treadmills or anything in that general area, I love lifting weights…so I’ve been doing that Tuesday and Thursday. But then this week also began the long awaited games of racquet ball! Saturday Erika, Jess & I all went to James and we played doubles. Kevin & James have a court in their apt. clubhouse, so its very convenient! It was so fun, and definitely hilarious but it was the first time Jess & I had played (or at least played by the rules) so it was mainly just trying to figure that out. But then Monday night and last night Jess & I went back over and with just the three of us played cut throat, giving Jessie & I a lot more playing time, and opportunity to figure out what we’re doing! James kind of just stood at the back wall and offered some coaching advice for most of the evening :) Probably not very fun for him, but very nice nonetheless! Gave us a chance to really get a feel for it, and of course chase the ball a lot! But I feel a lot better after that, at least kind of have a start on the mental part of the game and reading the ball, plus got the serving and such down. Definitely a fun way to work out!! Of course the driving to Boise to play at 9pm doesn’t help with the whole sleep schedule…oops. But I don’t seem to be tired when we’re playing that late, just the next morning when the alarm goes off 5 hours after we got home! I’ve had to wear my glasses to work for the first hour both days, because my contacts have to be in the peroxide for at least 6 hours in order to neutralize and they haven’t had that much time!

Pontiac Torrent

So it's official! I now own a 2007 Pontiac Torrent! I love my car...still, after almost 2 years, feel like its brand new. Every time I get in it, it just makes me happy. I love driving it...pretty much, yup, love everything about it! And after writing out that final, monumental check to pay it off a few weeks ago, I received the title in the mail Monday night! It's all mine! Free and clear! Love it! It's so exciting! (For me anyway :))

Moody Moody Moody

I don't know what my problem is, but I am definitely moody. I am VERY frustrated and snappy at work lately, I don't want to talk to anyone or be forced to listen to one more person complain about work or someone else in the office. (Yes I know they drive me crazy too...I'm just sick of hearing about it!) I constantly just want to go home and cry. I go back and forth between wanting to be by myself and wanting to be with my friends. Which I guess is good, because if I was truly in a bad mood there would be no getting me out of my room. I definitely need to be alone in order to reenergize and be ready to face the next day. And lately it doesn't seem to take much to make me need that extra time by myself. I miss my family...I just want to go home to mom and dad! Ahh, all I want to do lately is cry. At least it doesn't seem to happen except when I'm alone. But maybe its just because when there are other people around I'm more focused on what they're doing to annoy me then on how much I want to crawl into a hole. Not exactly a good thing. The main problem right now, is I'm not really sure what to do about it. I don't want to say anything that hurts anyone just because I'm in a bad mood but I don't know how much longer I can control my tongue! haha. I am typically more quiet then one to open my mouth, but that doesn't mean I don't also cut people with my snappy mouth. I guess all I have to say is pray for me!

Living the Life...?

There's this overwhelming piece of my mind that wants to continue working towards something. I don't know what to do with this new feeling of "being finished". I enjoy school, enjoy a challenge, enjoy the familiarity of school. I (surprisingly enough) like homework. I like juggling my life. I feel much more productive when I'm working on lots of things at the same time. And I think I accomplish more when I have less time to complete more things. Since I finished school I don't feel like I've accomplished anything and don't really feel like I have any more free time then I used to. Instead, because I have nothing that HAS to be done, by a certain time, it seems as though I am less likely to get anything done. I have spent the last 17 years of my life working towards my future, working towards this "great" feeling of being done. Except now that I'm here I don't know what to do. Where do I go from here? What's next?
Graduate high school....check
Go to college....check
Pick a major....check
Graduate with honors...check
Get a masters degree....check
Get a job....check
Enter the real world....?!?!

I'm here. I'm done. Yet, I feel like I've been in the real world for a years. I've been earning money and paying my own bills since high school. I've done both school and work at the same time. I've juggled priorities. I've kept friendships and worked at making those life long relationships...while still managing to work 40 hours a week, attend every class, turn in every assignment on time, maintain a 3.8 GPA, develop and keep a budget, paid off my undergrad, paid off my car, stayed away from credit card debt....can I go on?! I don't know where I go from here? I've been living in the "real world" for years. I've just been doing it while simultaneously enjoying college life.

Perhaps it will get better now that christmas break is over and my friends are back in town---but thus far, I must say....I miss school. I miss the schedule, I miss my cohort, I miss the people I got to spend 8 hours a week with, I miss writing papers, I miss solving problems, I miss the chaos, I miss my professors...I miss NNU.

2009

Well I'm not much for Resolutions...but I do try and make a goal list every once and awhile. I figure this is the perfect time for a new one :) I am no longer in school, no longer looking for a new job and of course beginning a new year, along with the rest of the world :) In 2009 I would like to accomplish...

Professionally:
Take (and pass) the CMA exam
Develop a new idea for work
Draw three house plans
Get AutoCAD
Take another AutoCAD class
Financially:
Pay off my Masters (Undergrad was paid off last year!)
Buy a house
Double my savings account
Personally:
Lose ten pounds
Start a devotional...and continue it!
Begin a daily exercise routine
Volunteer at church - youth group & nursery
Visit Kieth, Jackie & Holly often
Get scrapbooking caught up