Saturday, April 4, 2009

The past

It's Saturday afternoon...I'm sitting in a coffee shop watching one of my favorite shows online...and all I can think about is all these people passing by. Everyone is going somewhere, doing something, meeting someone and what am I? The world around me is moving, speeding by, time is going so fast...and me? what am I doing? How am I passing the time? There are so many things in life that are uncontrollable, but I have control over this...yet how am I using it? What of this will I remember for the rest of my life? How am I making an impact? On myself, on others, on the world? Everyone around me is getting ready to embark on their move from this place and discover what time will hold. I want to know that these last four years of my life were working towards something more than a degree. I want my life to mean more than that. I want to remember all the fun I had, all the people I loved, all the experiences I had. And yet I can't even remember much of it now, how am I going to look back on it the rest of my life? There have been so many people in the last 4 years that have impacted my life in so many ways, and yet the ones that are no longer around...I seem to forget. I can't remember why they were important in my life, I can't remember the fun we used to have, or why it is that I don't talk to them anymore. I hate that. I hate that someone who once meant so much to me is now just a part of my past. I'm afraid, I'm afraid its going to happen all over again. Life changes, we move on, we make new friends...I get that. But can't it be a great memory? A reunion to look forward to? Why must it simply become part of the far off past...I want to be better...I do not want these people to become a part of my past. I want them to be a part of my present and my future. But I can already feel them slipping away....


  1. You are so much farther along in understanding than I was at your age. I hear you about the sadness that comes with realizing that friendships change when people move away from each other. Although they change they still bring a great sense of comfort. I don't keep in touch with my past friends more than a few times a year now but we we always pick right up where we left off. They are still there when I need a lift and it makes room in your life more more friends.

    I don't mean to try and talk you out of the way you feel but I think you'll see it as a blessing some day.

    You're family is going to come over to our place next Sunday to watch the final day of The Master's. Wish you could be here too.

  2. I hope you haven't forgot about me Michelle :)


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