I love my job, I do. I am so thankful for it and the blessings it has brought to my life. I am thankful for the flexibility, for the openness and on some occasions for the lack of stress involved. However, being as it is, it no longer does anything for my "self-actualization" need...to use an over-used life model. Those basic needs of my life are met, over and above. I am truly blessed on all 5 levels of the maslow model...however, that top one...it just keeps calling to me. I need to do something more. I am tired of being bored at work. Extremely tired of spending more than half my day on the internet. I think I maybe did 2 hours of work today (in the office) and half of that was helping someone else out. I need more from my job then that. I need to feel useful, to have something to do, anything! I need to feel like I am using my $60,000 education! Feel like I'm doing something worthwhile. Or at least something that involves a few brain cells every once in awhile. I love a challenge, or a problem. I am a puzzle girl...I love to solve problems, in the most efficient way possible. Please, someone, give me something to solve!
I also have this overwhelming desire to design homes...maybe its time I look into that. I need to look outside my current profession to find something that will energize me, cause its not looking like things will change for awhile. I need more to my life then work, the gym and my roommates, as much as I love them. I need something that drives me, that will give me that feeling of satisfaction when its accomplished. Something with a deadline or a goal. Finding a way to combine the analytical part of my brain with the creative juices flowing in my veins is something I have always found challenging. I'm too much of a perfectionist to be truly fulfilled through my creativity but maybe its time I take that on as my problem. Maybe I will solve the battle within my mind. I think I have finally reached that stage where I have spent enough time enjoying my time off from school, that its time to get back to work on something. School was always satisfying to me, it was a challenge and something I could work towards...full of constat deadlines. I needed a break, and my mom suggested I wait at least 6 months before taking on my next project. Well I have to say, that as much as I thought I would enjoy no longer going to school AND working full-time, I have that itch again. Working full-time is not enough. Granted, if I had a more stressful job or one where I was required to put in more than 40 hours a week maybe it would be more then enough...but I don't. Rather...my mind, my experiences, my knowledge, my education, my drive, my self-discipline, my goals, my life...I feel like its all going to waste. There has to be more. Something more I can do. Something that gets me out of bed in the morning excited that I have a new day to face the challenges ahead of me. Something to engage my mind and soul. Something where my heart is involved.