Monday, August 3, 2009

Who I Am

There are times when I try and forget, try and pretend that its not true. Try and overcome myself in other ways...and sometimes I succeed, but only temporarily. There is really only one way, one method in which I can truly re-energize, re-motivate, become 'myself' once again. Thursday night I was at the end of myself, I couldn't go any farther. As I drove to Nampa to visit a friend I spent my entire drive crying and praying. There was no way I was going to make it thru Friday without some divine intervention. It just wasn't going to happen. I had gone too long, tricked myself into thinking I could go 2 weeks without a moment at home, alone. Pretended I could spend two, four day weekends with hundreds of people and not feel the ramifications sometime during the weeks following. Add on top of that my grandma having a stroke last week and my great grandma finding out she has stage 4 ovarian cancer and I really didn't stand a chance.

I don't know that I have ever needed peace & quiet so much. Needed a day (or two) with absolutely NOTHING to do. As I poured out my frustration and exhaustion Thursday night (in prayer and to my friend) I had no idea when I would get the chance. But as He promises to do, He helped me make it thru Friday. And not only make it, but I actually had a better day at work Friday then I have in a long time. I was more than just happy Friday afternoon...I was light-hearted. And I miraculously ended up with the house completely to myself Saturday, very unusual. Why, after all these years, does it still surprise me that He cares enough to take care of something that minimal? It amazes me that He cares enough to make that difference in my life.