Well it is now Wednesday following a weekend where I didn't do any homework and didnt get much sleep...I may finally be caught up a little on the sleep (I can at least function now). But I don't know when I will ever be caught up on the homework! Ahh! :)
So do you ever play mind games with yourself and God? The last few days I feel like I keep going back and forth in my head about whether I want to openly admit what I want to God or rather completely give up control and tell him that if that isn't what he has for me, then that's okay too. For some reason in my head it makes a big difference if I hold onto it or if I let it go. It's like I think that if I hold onto it, there is a better chance of it happening, where as if I let it go then it's like I give up hope...when really I know that it doesn't matter. He already knows what I want...better than I do...and he knows whether or not I would really be okay without it. Why then do I let myself struggle with this idea of control? Why can't I just let it go with a "You're in control. Do what is best." I don't understand why I overthink those things...why don't my head and heart agree?
The struggle is valid - once submitted, it will continue to teach and lead you because of it's intensity. "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." from Psalm 37 Rather than focus on the "what", focus on the "who" - strive to trust the One who desires to give to you.
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