Wednesday, August 27, 2008


I'm having the hardest time this week, with letting go. It doesn't seem to be happening like I want it to. And really, that's okay. I know that just because I want it, doesn't mean that it is good for me, or that it is what God wants for me. However, I can't seem to be able to convince my heart that. I mean, I KNOW that if it isn't right, then no amount of wishing will make it better. And I KNOW that God's plan is so much better then what I can imagine. I just can't seem to connect that understanding with the rest of myself. I can't get it out of my head. Why do I want something so bad, if it isn't right? Why do I have this hope, why can't I just let it go? I want to be okay without it. I don't want to want it. I want to be able to say that it doesn't matter to me, and it's okay that it hasn't happened how I thought it would. But it doesn't seem to matter how much I tell myself that, I still care. And it still hurts. I do want it. I don't want someone else to have it, I don't want to watch someone else experience it. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt. How do I make it stop?

1 comment:

  1. Hello.. My name is Melanie and I was browsing thru blogger and found your blog. I just read this blog and it seems as if Im feeling exactly the way you just described. I am a Christian (since 2004) and I am growing in the Lord every day. It's not easy either I know. I have been trying for a baby and this blog is just the way im feeling. I miscarried and know the Lord has a plan. If you don't mind I would love to add you as a friend. May the Lord be with you always. God bless you my sister in Christ. ~Melanie~


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