Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I'm having the hardest time this week, with letting go. It doesn't seem to be happening like I want it to. And really, that's okay. I know that just because I want it, doesn't mean that it is good for me, or that it is what God wants for me. However, I can't seem to be able to convince my heart that. I mean, I KNOW that if it isn't right, then no amount of wishing will make it better. And I KNOW that God's plan is so much better then what I can imagine. I just can't seem to connect that understanding with the rest of myself. I can't get it out of my head. Why do I want something so bad, if it isn't right? Why do I have this hope, why can't I just let it go? I want to be okay without it. I don't want to want it. I want to be able to say that it doesn't matter to me, and it's okay that it hasn't happened how I thought it would. But it doesn't seem to matter how much I tell myself that, I still care. And it still hurts. I do want it. I don't want someone else to have it, I don't want to watch someone else experience it. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt. How do I make it stop?
Posted by Michelle at 1:39 PM