Why?

I'm having the hardest time this week, with letting go. It doesn't seem to be happening like I want it to. And really, that's okay. I know that just because I want it, doesn't mean that it is good for me, or that it is what God wants for me. However, I can't seem to be able to convince my heart that. I mean, I KNOW that if it isn't right, then no amount of wishing will make it better. And I KNOW that God's plan is so much better then what I can imagine. I just can't seem to connect that understanding with the rest of myself. I can't get it out of my head. Why do I want something so bad, if it isn't right? Why do I have this hope, why can't I just let it go? I want to be okay without it. I don't want to want it. I want to be able to say that it doesn't matter to me, and it's okay that it hasn't happened how I thought it would. But it doesn't seem to matter how much I tell myself that, I still care. And it still hurts. I do want it. I don't want someone else to have it, I don't want to watch someone else experience it. I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt. How do I make it stop?

Family

My brother was here this week!!

My aunt & uncle brought my cousins down to move in for school, and Kurt is up working harvest with them, so he got to come! It was so much fun! I was able to take Thursday off to spend the day with them....it was awesome, and totally last minute. I found out wednesday morning at 10 that they would be in Nampa by 7 that night. But such a great surprise :)

A week?

Wow...it's been a week since I've even thought about blogging :) It was crazy! Starting classes was...well interesting but loaded with homework. I've been constantly attached to a book for my monday night class, I think I should just make it a permanent appendige, that may be easier. Not only did classes start but all of my friends got back this week for school! Thursday night Covenant was in Kuna and we went to that concert and then hung out with Stephanie that night! She left her car in my driveway this summer and it was completely out of gas...we couldn't even get it started. So that made for an interesting evening :) We were working on that till about midnight. Then Friday Jessie got back and we all went to dinner with her parents and began the lovely moving and unpacking process. However at about 9 I left and met the guys out at the freeway to go to the Drive In. James and Ben took their motorcycles so I got to ride on the back of James bike!! It was so much fun! I was so tired and had to get up early Sat. so wasn't sure about going, but the bike ride alone made it all worth it! :) Well Kevin took his truck so we all hung out in that when we were actually at the Drive In. Kevin, Ben, James, Caleb, Tami, Mollie & I...Hulk and Hannock were the movies. Both were pretty good I have to admit.
The weather was perfect!!

Saturday morning the girls, erika, jessie, steph, & I went to Flyin M and then downtown to a few shops and walked around. It was fun but then I left at noon for a wedding. And I got home at about 1:30 Sunday morning! It was ridiculous! Dean is in Canada so I had to drive the truck and trailer and deliver it and everything. Then set up all the chemicals, work the wedding, and then after all of that take down at midnight. Pushing a 900 pound photo booth is not exactly fun. Let me tell you. I actually can't believe the callouses I have on my hands. It's weird I wouldn't have thought that would happen. But they are sore! needless to say Saturday wasn't exactly my favorite :)
But then comes Sunday! Church...with everyone back!! Yes! Jessie, Steph, Ann Jean, Erika and KATIE!!! Its so nice to have people to go with again :) Then we met James & Kevin there also and decided that yes we were going jet skiing!! So after church the girls all went to Costco, where we ate lunch also :) And then I headed over to Boise to meet J & K. Kevin invited a couple other girls from church, Chelsea & Jennifer, so it was the 5 of us. James & I took the smaller jet ski and those 3 rode the Yamaha :) We went up to ArrowRock and there was like NO ONE there...it was crazy. The water was so smooth and so warm! It was perfect. We jumped off and swam a lot, while the boys practiced their diving :) Then we got the skis and J & K both skiied. It was interesting sitting on the jet ski backwards to hold the flag :) Fun to watch them ski though! Then we brought out the tube and we all took a spin on that. Kevin definitely dumped me! Or the waves dumped me...but it was pretty sweet, but then when I got back on I rode for awhile and finally jumped out because the waves were giving me a headache :) Shocking, I know. But yeah...it was so much fun! James & I got the jet ski completely out of the water a few times early on when we were just riding...and the water was so nice that it was nice to get sprayed!

Diving...where they can't get in trouble for it :)


Before...
After...

The girls I met :)
James...right after he let go of the rope...
Kevin can't get the skis off! :)
This picture just makes me laugh! I don't really know what I'm doing!
yes! Driving the jet ski!!

The one bad thing about this weekend (well other then the 13 hour wedding) is that I didn't really get much sleep. I got up early every day and went to bed way too late. So today I'm feeling it. It will be an interesting week again. I have a test tonight on that book I've been toting around...I did get it almost all read at the wedding so that was nice. Now I only have about 10 pgs left, which I can finish at lunch. And then tomorrow I'll have to do a bunch of homework for Wednesday nights class...yeah I wasn't very responsible with the homework this weekend...there was just way too many other things going on! :) Fun things!

The final day...

It is officially the last day of summer! At least for me...although I guess maybe that was Wednesday seeing as that is when I received my first homework assignment! But either way, I start class tomorrow. I'm not sure how I feel about that...haha. But as James pointed out to me, the sooner I get started, the sooner I am finished! I am looking forward to that. Although, knowing me I will probably never be "finished". Once classes are done I start studying for the CPA and probably also the CMA exam. And I've always wanted to do some architecture/drafting so will probably do some refresher courses for that. We shall see. Speaking of CPA...I received a call from a guy I worked with during my internship @ Bureau of Reclamation. He called me about 6 months ago when he took over the 'Financial Officer's' position, that he would be looking for an accountant to take his old position...basically asking if I would be interested. Well at that time I was really unhappy with my current job and kind of took that random call as a sign that I have no reason to stay somewhere I feel treated unfairly, when there are plenty of places I can work....especially with my degree. Well, I have a commitment with my current boss--so leaving isn't so easy and I won't go out looking for a different job. And I am more content now, then I was 6 months ago...as some employees have been let go. However, I am still bored and very unchallenged. And feel as though I've learned everything there I'm going to. Plus one of the biggest things for me is that the controller at my office does NOT have his CPA, so before I can get mine I will have to change jobs. (You have to work under a CPA for a year in order to receive your license). And the Financial Officer at BOR does have his CPA...a HUGE selling point for me! I dont want to take the 4 very difficult tests and then not be able to get my license, because the guy above me could never pass his exam. But anyway the financial officer called again last week and he has FINALLY been given permission to post the job (It's government, I tell you they're slow!) Wondering if I was still interested and what not. Well I wasn't so sure when I got the phone call...but over the weekend I have decided that it is in my best interest to apply and (hopefully) interview for the job. Even if I don't get offered the position, or don't decide to take the job, it will give me experience interviewing and just finding out more about other jobs out there. I am one of those people that doesn't see the point in changing something when what you have works fine. So taking a step to be vulnerable and put myself out there doesn't come natural for me. I hate interviews. I hate applying for jobs and the pressure and stress that go with that. But I also understand that if I am ever going to achieve the things I want or gain more experience...I need to be willing to do just that. And through various things this weekend I've felt God showing me that he leads, I just simply need to be willing to follow. He's in charge, so why should it surprise me that someone calls and asks me to apply for a job?

Well other then that...I am enjoying this last weekend so much! Both of my roommates are gone this weekend, so I have had the house to myself. I love it! Seriously I am one of those people that could go days without seeing another person and be perfectly happy...now, I'm not so sure that's a good thing...but it's how it is :) I made full out breakfast's both mornings (blueberry coffee cake, bacon, honeydew melon)...I went shopping today and found two large vases to surround the fireplace. I've been looking for some forever...and just haven't been willing to spend fifty bucks on one! However, these were clearance at the craft store and only 12 dollars a piece! They are glass and a gorgeous shape...i love it! so then I found some long stems and dried pieces to fill them. Kind of just natural colored grasses and stuff with one DEEP red sunflower in each. So cool! Then I also got some pins to use with an extra bulletin board I have to hang my jewelry up. It turned out really cool...I like it alot. It's like art and practical and just plain cute all at the same time! It also makes my jewlery a lot easier to see and use then before :)

Finished Product:

And now I am on my way to my cousin Ken & Carmens for the evening. We are doing dinner and a movie! I love them...they are so fun! Oh and I'm taking leftover ice cream pie that I made for the game night Thursday. Which by the way was a blast! Rebecca, Jordan, Dax, Sean, Erika, James and Kevin all came over and we played "Who? What? Where?", "Pit", & "Ticket to Ride"...which I won :) lol. But yeah, I have been cooking up a storm this weekend! haha. I tried two new recipes I found online, plus the ice cream pie, plus the blueberry coffee cake...wow...so not like me :) But it's so fun...I love to cook and bake, especially trying new recipes, I just hate to do it for one person!

August already?!

I had a great weekend! Thursday night, we had the birthday party for Erika...which was tons of fun, but I realized just how many people at NNU get married! haha. I think there were only 4 of us there that aren't married...and they're all still students! Crazy...okay, anyway. Then after the party I had coffee with James at Flying M! That was fun...it was nice that he came to Nampa :) haha, yes I know that's selfish...but their apt is so far away! lol. Plus he rode his motorcycle so he loved it!

Friday was fun...let's see. I left my house at 6:15am went to work until 4...went straight to the Old State Penn to help Dean set up the photo booth and then spent the next 8 1/2 hours working at a wedding! Oh yes, 18 hour days are great fun!

Saturday I had wedding #2...Erika went with me and it was one of the biggest weddings I have all summer! It was the wedding of a former NNU student and his mom works in the Bus. Dept, so there were lots of Business professors there...interesting. haha. But it was a gorgeous wedding and definitely the best food I've had at a wedding this summer! :) Yes...the food matters, okay!? It was so hot though! We sat right in the sun from 3-10...so bright! Needless to say I've been lathering on the aloe the past two mornings :)

Sunday was even better...my entire family that lives in Boise (other than Jamie & Ken, who were working and out of town) came over for spaghetti after church! It was so much fun...I've never had a place big enough to actually have my whole family over at once! It was great! Although finding enough dishes proved interesting...but none of them had come out to visit since I moved...so yes, once again they came to Nampa instead of me going to Boise! Must have been my lucky weekend :) Then after lunch the girls, well a few of us, hit up the Nampa mall...yes, I know. It doesn't really count as a mall...but hey they wanted to go! I could only take so much so my aunt and I went and got coffee after the 3rd round of SOMEONE trying on clothes :) It was good! lol. The coffee that is!

Now I'm here at the beginning of my last week of freedom...until December. Sad! Summer went by so fast! But I have 3 nights of dinner with friends, 1 lunch date, 1 game night, 1 coffee date and 2 weddings...so it should be good and busy :)